Learn.Love.Create

Just a interesting perspective.

Have you ever had people in your life that you run into on numerous occasions or that you meet and have instant chemistry with? Maybe they are someone you barely know but for some reason you have this desire to get to know them or you think of them often and don’t quite understand why. You barely know them yet after you see them you’re left feeling happy and shaky. But you don’t understand why that is and you know that you probably will never get to know them better. Did you ever consider the fact that maybe it’s because if you would have made one different choice in your life (a big one), those people would have been lead roles in your story instead of acquaintances. Maybe it is because they are bound by fate to still enter your life, to still effect you the way they would if they were your best friend, or future husband or wife. But all they will ever be is someone walking parallel to you instead of convergent. You wont ever know what they were meant to be to you but that lasting feeling you get, it is because they are someone important, just maybe something changed along the way. Or maybe something still has yet to change.

Family Is What Matters Most.

Life, more times then most, is not perfect. It is not graceful, or sympathetic, or kind. But even when life has put you through a hurricane of terrible things, you can still find contentment within your life. You find it in the arms of loved ones, you find it in your support system, you find it in the little things you love like reading or escapism tv shows, you find it in pets, but most of all you find it in family. Now some of us are not blessed with great parents, or even mediocre parents, some of us don’t even get parents present in our lives at all. But family, whether that be your immediate blood related circle, or step family, or family in law, or even friends who are the family you choose for yourself, I have learned they are what matters the most. It is in your times of need, your times of doubt, and your times of loss that your family, whoever they may be, appears. They are your support system, your guiding light, and your shoulder to cry on. But most of all, they are the people who love you unconditionally.

In my teenage years I felt family was the least important thing in life. I held hate toward things I didn’t understand, and I was disrespectful and arrogant in my age. I think a lot of teenagers are. But as I have gotten older, I have matured and I have come to understand things better. I understand the weight of the world on your shoulders and responsibility. And I know that all of that which I feel now, must be a thousand times worse as a parent. And I understand now that supporting yourself let alone a family isn’t easy, and that love, as hard as you try sometimes, does not conquer all. Life is hard work and keeping a family going is also hard work. Now that I am older, things which once seemed silly now are quite realistic and things that once seemed important are not important after all. It just took seeing things in an adults perspective. And despite any hardships or family turmoil my family has ever dealt with, I love my family more than anything. And I love my friends who never left my side, from the stubborn teenage me, to the still stubborn adult me.

And as I have gotten older, I have allowed my family closer into my life, and with that as well as communication and trust I have built better and stronger relationships with them. And through times where I have felt my life has been completely ripped apart, they have been there, supporting me. And that is more than I can ask. And as I get older, I feel as if our roles have slightly been reversed. As a kid your parents job would be to come to your sports games, or be there for a big school event, or get you ready for your dances. Now that I am older, I return the favor. I come out to events that are special, or to sports matches. I help my mother get ready to go out. Or I be the designated driver or simply take care of the house or the pets when they are away. And I don’t have the slightest bit of resentment or anger in doing so because they spent basically 20 years of their lives taking care of me.. and they still do.

And while my parents say things like “I know this is boring for you” or “you don’t have to come if you don’t want to”. What they don’t really know is that I am glad to be there. I am glad to support them. And whether I enjoy myself 100% isn’t the point. Because when you love someone unconditionally, you support them in the things they love. You do things, or go to things that maybe you wouldn’t usually, but you do it because it makes them happy and their happiness is what matters to you. And maybe my life isn’t spectacular, actually maybe things are on the downside but as I sat watching my dad’s curling game tonight and saw him smiling at me, so happy that I came, I realized that no matter how bad my life got, I would always have my family. And that means more than anything. And being able to make my father happy, made me happy and in those moments, I was content with where my life is at, even if it’s no where close to where I had wanted it to be.

So yah, I am a twenty year old. And most people my age are obsessed with going out and getting drunk and then cramming in studying the next day. But that just isn’t me and it never will be. I spent my Saturday night watching my dad play a sport he loves. I didn’t do it because I had nothing better to do and I didn’t do it because he guilted me into it. I did it because I’ve realized that as I am getting older, my parents are too. And I have had my nights out and I have had my years of barely being home. But now that I am older, I cherish the time I get with my family. And a night in, watching a movie with my family, or going to dinner with one of them, anything really spending time with them, sounds substantially better to me than going out to a club and getting wasted. My priorities aren’t living up my early twenties by partying or experiencing the college life. My priorities are to grow into the young woman I am suppose to be and part of that is growing with my family. Even if we are split up and total odd balls, learning more about my parents lives helps me to grow in mine. And why would I want to spend a night out with strangers when I can spend a night with people who I know love me no matter what.

So maybe I’m a wallflower and not your usual socialite. And maybe I am not your average twenty year old. But unconditional love is a rare thing in this day and age, which is tragic and true. But the times when you can see or find unconditional love most often is in family. And like I said, maybe you’re dysfunctional, or broken, or maybe your family is not blood related at all but your relationship or friendships. God knows my family isn’t perfect and we haven’t always gotten along. But those love’s, with those people are what matters most. And in times of doubt or hurt all you need to do is sit and look at those people and smile knowing you have someone who is willing to take a bullet for you. And your life matters to them. Despite any of your own problems or stresses and worries, I urge you to take a moment and just appreciate those people in your life. Get to know them better or spend some quality time with them because if they give you unconditional love, I can guarantee that spending even an hour with them will lighten your heart.  And when the weight of the world gets you down, they are what will remind you that your life is okay because you have them.

trying to find a rare species

I just want a best friend, you know? Yah, I have had best friends in the past, and do consider myself to have some great friends right now. But through out my life, most of the time, non of those “best friends” gave to me in return what I give to them and I am not about to stand around getting the shorter end of the stick. I have always been the one being taken advantage of. For once I want a true friend. You know, the one that you know so well that if you ever stopped being friends you could literally call it a break up. They are your person in your life that you can always rely on without a doubt. Someone who you can be completely open with and not be afraid to be judged. You can say “I haven’t had sex in months and I am dying for fuck sakes”. Or who you can break down to and cry and they aren’t going to give you some bullshit speech because they know the difference between when you just need to not be alone and when you want their opinion. Matter of fact they aren’t going to tell you what to do with your life, they trust you to handle that. All that matters to them is your happiness and when they speak up, it’s because they can tell you are not happy. They would be someone who you don’t have to be afraid to admit the negative stuff to because they do not judge you or your life. Someone who can yell at you and tell you when you’re being ridiculous and you can get upset back at and it doesn’t change a god damn thing because you both know that you know each other well enough and care enough that it isn’t to hurt the other, it’s to help. The type of friend who the moment they hear your relationship ended they are on the phone with you asking what you need, better yet, they are at your door saying “we are going out” and they give you a spectacular night, even if it was simply going to one of your favourite places to talk. They are the person who says “call me as soon as the date is over, I want details!” and they are also the person who brings flowers while your in the hospital and reminds you how strong you are. See the thing is, a true best friend is someone who knows you as well as you know yourself, in fact, sometimes better because they are able to look at your situation away from your personal investment and make you realize things you’ve never seen before. Someone who isn’t just by your side for the good but never leaving during the bad. Who sacrifices to help you because they know you’d do the exact same. Who is willing to fight anyone because they have your back, who sticks up for you, who trusts you, and who won’t ever purposely let you down. Who messages your ex after they have spent days with you, watching the shit they have put you through, and says “You’re an asshole and you know you’ll never find anyone like her, your mistake dumb ass” because they don’t stand around and let anyone hurt you. They are someone who you can say anything to and you know that it is literally just between you and them. And a relationship never changes your friendship or the time you make for one another. These friendships exist. I know because I am one one of these people and I have done these things for other people. I just need to find someone who would do the same for me. And why is it so god damn fucking difficult? But I guess in a way, it’s sort of like finding the love of your life, but it is the friendship of your life. You think it would be easier though.. but it is a very selfish world out there, ironically filled with people looking for acceptance and love but expect to get it freely and with perks.

Hello, nice to meet you.

Sometimes people have a problem with me because they think I am “over emotional” or too passionate. I think those people just don’t understand what it’s like to see beauty around you and to feel the excitement in your bones of what is to come. Those people don’t understand how seeing a piece of artwork or architecture can take your breath away. They don’t know what it’s like to love with the immensity of their entire heart. And they do not know how to experience loss. To let it shake you to the bone and let it hurt, to feel your emotions because it’s important. Buddha once said “if anything is worth doing, do it with all your heart”. If people have a problem with me experiencing life to it’s fullest, that is their problem not mine.

The truth of the matter is yes, I am emotional because I am passionate about everything I do. I live passionately. Not just that, but I can truly say that I am a beautiful person. And that isn’t cockiness. That is being comfortable in my own skin. I have done the whole hating myself and my body thing, and let me give you a little clue, it’s a waste of time. I am intelligent and I am kind and big hearted. I am sarcastic and I laugh because it is the best medicine and the best way to stay sane. I am a writer, I am a photographer, I am a painter, I am a singer, I am a poet, I am a dancer. Not in the professional sense but it is what I do with my time. I do not just create artwork but I make my life a piece of art. And not all people like art, not all people can appreciate it, and not all people understand certain types of it. So maybe some people can’t see it, or appreciate me but it’s there non the less. And my life is an ever changing piece of art work.

I am strong because I have been weak. I have lost, I have suffered, and I have experienced tragedy in every sense of the word. I may not necessarily always show my strength, and it may take me some breathing time to stand up when life knocks me down. But my strength does not come from not ever being hurt. That is not strength, that is denial. My strength is that no matter what life throws at me, I come back fighting and I stand up taller than I stood before. Having depression does not make me any less of a person. It means that I have flaws, I am not perfect, no one is. And there are days I get low, but those days are what comes with the territory and I wouldn’t change who I am. I have seen a world of darkness a lot of people don’t know in their life time and I am not even one fourth through mine. I am allowed to express myself. I am allowed to be sad. That does not make me a bad person or a weak person. And anyone who sees it that way either hasn’t experienced a loss so great it rips your life apart, or they have never known anyone to have or themselves felt the weight of depression. Truth is I can never put anyone else in my shoes. So maybe you don’t get me, or my sadness when it happens but that never means you have a right to judge me like you understand. You will anyway though.

I am not here to live for anyone else’s approval. I spent my teenage years believing I had to and wanting to fit in. And then I realized, the greatest thing about me was that I didn’t fit in, that I wasn’t like anyone else. I try to live my life by this quote: “Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express not to impress. Don’t strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt”. It took me a long time to realize that I was unique and that wasn’t a bad thing. And the reason I didn’t fit in is because people are hostile to the unfamiliar. But I have a lot to offer the world for those who let me in. I have joy, and passion, and laughter, and wisdom, and art, and knowledge, and truth, and loyalty all bursting at the seams. But the truth is, I am too much for most people to handle. I come in extremes. I do not live in grey areas, I refuse to. I live in color, bright vibrant color that can come both in darks and lights. I am not always a beam of sunshine but when I am not you are guaranteed laughter at my bitter sarcasm. And when I am comfortable and excited, I am the life of the party. Most people don’t stick around long enough to see me in all those aspects though. And all I have to say is: your loss.

No I am not a fake, but yes I have many versions of myself. That doesn’t mean I am bi polar, it doesn’t mean I don’t know how to handle myself. I think I know myself much better than most people ever know themselves. And for the right people I am willing to show each side of me. But I am not in the business of trying to convince anyone to love me, because someone who sees me for who I really am wont need convincing. And if they do, they don’t deserve to be in my life. That works for both friends and relationships. If a guy can’t look at me and be captivated or understand my depth in the heaviness of my heart and my light hearted jokes, he doesn’t deserve my time. I am special. I deserve to be treated that way. And one day I will. One day someone will look at me, or hear me speak, or see my art work, or hear me sing and they will want to know more about me. And with everything they learn, even my annoying traits or what I do to piss them off, or how I can get low, I will still be perfect to them. I wont need to change to be “better” for them, and I wont need to make excuses for who I am.

I wont ever apologize to anyone for being myself because who I am is pretty awesome. I am not going to say sorry for saying exactly how I feel. I am straight up and in a world full of bullshit and people talking behind each others backs, I’d rather keep the crap to a minimum. You want the truth, I tell it. I will tell you exactly how I feel and I wont hold it back because my feelings are valid. If you can’t accept it, that is your problem not mine. The only time I don’t open my mouth is when it is something that could hurt someone else purposely. I am not an asshole. I am here to leave a positive imprint, not a negative one. So I try my hardest to be kind to everyone. But I am not like most of society, I am not here to make small talk and fake friends with people. I keep people around who bring positive into my life. Sure that may not mean I am the most popular girl, it may mean I burn bridges but that is because I know exactly what I deserve and I will not settle for less. I spent the better half of my life settling for less. It took me reaching twenty and laying in a hospital bed thinking I would die without reaching twenty-one to realize that I deserved a hell of a lot more from the world than I was getting and accepting.

And who I am right now is someone worth getting to know if you are artistic like me or have a sarcasm that matches mine. My head is full of thoughts and my mind is always swimming with words. I have a lot to offer the world but it’s up to the world to take a step into my life. I am not perfect, but I am worth it. And for those who actually get to know who I truly am, they can vouch for that. And one day I will get old and wrinkly and all that will resemble who I am now is my eyes or my smile. But I will have laugh lines and stories to say and wisdom to tell. And I will know that I lived passionately and I loved fiercely and that will be enough. Because the truth is most people go through their whole lives afraid to feel that much. Sure, living that passionately might get me into trouble sometimes but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It is what makes me who I am and it is what makes life worth living. What is the point of your days if you aren’t going to live every single one to the fullest, whether that is living in your happiness or in your sadness. If you are following your heart, the end will justify the pain it took to get there.

Growing up comes with sacrifice

Sometimes I get so worried that I do not have enough time. Not in the sense of life, or my dreams, or a fear of growing old. But in the sense that there are just so many books to read and things to learn in the world. There are so many places to travel and things to see. And I don’t have the money or the time to venture after those things. Sometimes I get terrified that I wont learn everything I want to learn or see everything I find amazing. Which in reality, I wont be able to because no one can. I wont ever be able to read every single book I want to read, or learn everything I strive to learn, or see every inch of the world that is beautiful because sometimes there are places you don’t even know are there. Not to mention that everything is always changing. It is inevitable that this fear will come true, I know that. But in life, I want to be a sponge. I want knowledge and experience. I want to be able to talk about a wide variety of subjects and know exactly what I am talking about. I want to surround myself with beautiful things, interesting things, and things that open my mind and my heart.

I crave to learn so much that I think I would breach my life’s capacity. But even if I tried, I am too young and too financially unstable to travel constantly, or study abroad more, or to buy all the books I love or want to read. And I could spend my whole life doing these things but the harsh reality of this world is if you do, you may have destroyed your life. You can’t just leave life behind and go on adventures because you are expected to pick one area of study, make a career, and make a living. If all your money is spent on moving around, when you come back you cannot afford a home or a living, at least not where I live. Not to mention society has a time line for these things and by the time you hit thirty you are suppose to be in the career you will spend the rest of your life in and be on your way to, if not already, making a family. I understand that you don’t have to follow what society views as acceptable but in a sense, for me, I feel it is what is right. In the sense that I want to be settled down and be able to afford a home and be married by thirty. However within those things I feel like I contradict myself because although I want those things, I also want to have time to be free and to wander. I don’t want to have any strings tying me to stay at home. I want to travel more than I already have. I want to explore and read and write and just enjoy my life. More than that I want to be able to come back from that, sit in a classroom and still love what I am learning. And have enough time to make a career and expand my knowledge after that. I want to learn Latin, I want to learn Italian. I want to go to Med school. I want to take psychology and women’s studies and more art history courses. I want to learn about the world, and I want to experience it with all my senses.

Maybe it’s the Aquarius in me, wanting freedom and adventures. To crave change and new things. But in a sense, I also crave none of those things. I take comfort in having a normal routine, I like knowing how my days are going to be. I guess that is what you get when you have an Aquarian who has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – a paradox. Sometimes I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too. That I had enough time between now and 26 to travel, and read, and explore as well as do all of my schooling and get a career. The only thing that somehow doesn’t work well into that equation is love. Which has to be the biggest puzzle piece of all that I want to fit in, because love is a staple to me in life. But how can a relationship survive me globe trotting and changing so much, and then throwing myself into difficult studies with no time for a social life. Yes maybe if you found an epic love and you had trust in that love to carry you then yes it’s possible. However it wont be easy and I fear the difficulty of balancing everything will make it so that I don’t appreciate it all as much as I want to. I don’t ever want to take one thing for granted because it took another away from me. 

I know that anything that comes easy usually isn’t great and that life is hard work. I know that not wanting things to be difficult is a cop out and it is also a weak persons thinking. And if I truly want these things, I need to also know sacrifice. I just want to feel stable. I don’t want to ever do any of these things and question whether I made the wrong choice or feel guilty about any of it. I have dreams and aspirations and passions and I want to follow all of those things without being held back. I have let other people and things hold me back from doing what I wanted before and in the end it isn’t worth it. But there are things and people which are keeping me here. And there are difficulties such as debt and money that make all of my dreams impossible. So maybe saying all of this was a slight waste of your time or mine, but in a perfect world, I would be able to afford and balance all of those things. And who knows, maybe I could pull it off. But if I can’t, I wonder what I will sacrifice and what my life will be like when I hit 26 and whether I will be happy with the path I chose. Lets hope so.

For All You Negative Nancy’s

Eventually you will learn in life that there are people who will always be miserable. Not because of circumstances out of their control, not because of a condition such as depression and not seeking help. It is because they like being miserable - they are so caught up in their own drama that they don’t realize that the reason they are is because they actually enjoy it. You’ll tend to notice the people who love knowing other peoples business constantly, who are obsessed with Facebook, and always gossiping to others about what they assume based on what they have “seen” through social media websites or based upon their own perception as the truth, are also the people who are most miserable. When something little happens, they blow it out of proportion as if their entire world has ended. This is because they are not only obsessed with drama but they are small minded and cannot see the big picture.

            You would think that it would be quite simple to change this, but it isn’t. Most of these people go their whole lives miserable and have no one to blame but themselves. However they chose to blame everything they can. Their work place, their relationship status, their “friends”, life in general, their family, etc. They will find any outlet of blame they can use, except for accepting the simple fact that they 1. Are obsessed with drama, 2. Like being melodramatic, and 3. That their only problem with life is themselves and the way they look at things. The biggest thing about these people that really ticks me off though, is that they cannot appreciate what they have. Even when something great is happening they cannot appreciate it fully. They will always pick it apart. They take for granted great things or even simple pleasures of life that millions would kill for. And nothing makes me more mad than ungrateful people.

            You cannot wait for your life to change, you cannot keep blaming the world for dealing you shit cards. If you haven’t realized by now the world isn’t fair then you will be (for lack of a better word) fucked, for the rest of your life. YOU are the change you need. And I cannot say that to people enough. Everything in your life, your entire environment is based upon your mind set. It is your attitude toward something that thus creates and manifests those emotions in everything you do. If you are always negative, you wont ever make it far in life. The real kicker here is that, the people who fight off the bad and try to stay positive living their lives being thankful for even the day to day things get bombarded by these small minded people. And sometimes that is all it takes to simply knock someone out of their positive environment. One of those silly negative nancy’s walk into anywhere they go and it’s as if you can see the cloud of darkness that follows. When this is anywhere close to your life, like the work place, your family, or your close friends it becomes such a burden to carry. And you can easily become part of the cloud of negativity. Because no matter how strong you are at ignoring it or not participating, if that is all you hear constantly, it will change your day.

            So maybe some of the above points you feel might relate to you. Maybe some of the points I made about a negative person fits you. Maybe you have noticed that you can’t seem to hold down friends and the ones you do are ones who like to talk about other people. Have you noticed you talk more about other peoples lives or negatively about your own then making a positive contribution to the world? Would you start crying or bitch for hours about something as simple as your car breaking down or a random stranger who was rude to you? If you can answer yes to any of those questions I seriously urge you to take a massive look at your life. You are one of those negative people I am talking about and if you ever want to be happy, you need to do some serious work, and you need to realize that others peoples lives are non of your business. And life is not to blame for any negativity in your life. You are given what you are given and it is up to you to mold it. And most of all, it is not anyone else’s job to try to make you happy or to please you. The world isn’t here for you. The sooner you realize that, the easier being happier will become. If you don’t, the world will always be a constant disappointment.

            That advise being said though, most of the time negative people never change, and guess what? They also usually never get anywhere in their life because they don’t have motivation to. To me, if I was one of those people, this question is a simple answer and it’s answer would make me want to change my life: Do you really think other people want to surround themselves with someone so negative? I sure as hell don’t. That is why I have absolutely no problem dropping people or things that bring negativity into my life. I don’t deal with that crap and I also don’t deal with grown women acting like adolescent girls gossiping. If you haven’t done something nice for someone else in the past week that can’t be repaid, or you did just to be nice (not for praise) then I urge you to do so. It can be as simple has holding a door open for people, letting someone in, in traffic. Or maybe it’s something bigger like donating clothes or volunteering (especially given it’s Christmas time). Or maybe it’s staying up all night on the phone with a friend when they are going through something tough, or taking a shift at work you didn’t really want but you are helping out a fellow co-worker (and you never complain about it once). Maybe it’s doing something nice for a complete stranger like paying for the persons order who is behind you in a drive through, or helping to pick up something someone has dropped. If you know the term pay it forward, whether you see it or not, it does work, except for the negative nancy’s throw a wrench into the works and halt these things completely if it comes to them. Because their main personality trait is being selfish. Most of the time they cannot even accept someone did something nice for them.

            I think the world lacks the people who are giving, caring, and generous. Who see things for what they are and don’t let the negativity get to them. Who keeps their heads up high and doesn’t walk around talking about other peoples business which is really NON of their business. The world needs more people willing to make a positive impact. Like I said before, even if it’s just those simple little things. Or whether it’s doing something much more kind and above and beyond what anyone ever asked of you. I get we aren’t all super heros, and lets me honest here, there does have to be a natural balance. But I think there isn’t balance. I think way too many people, especially anyone living in a developed nation (or “first world nation”), North America in particular, are so ungrateful. We have all read the funny tweets and facebook status’s stating “first world problems” and sure we laugh. But you notice we laugh because it’s funny at how pathetic it is when you put it in that perspective.

            I know we all hate hearing “there are people starving somewhere” when we don’t finish our food. Or when we have a problem someone saying “yah well it could have been worse, or thousands have it worse”. But it is all true, and sure we don’t need to be reminded by others constantly but it is your job to remind yourself. When you wake up every day, tell yourself how privileged you are. Being humble is a great trait to have that is so rarely found these days. Sure maybe your family life isn’t great, or you feel like you’re completely alone, or you haven’t got that one thing you really want, or your car is falling apart, or things just aren’t going your way. That doesn’t change the fact that you were born into great circumstances off the bat, and no matter where you come from, you have the resources to change where you are going to go.

            So, whether you are obsessed with drama, or you are a kind and gentle soul, I urge you to wake up in the morning and reflect on your life. Sure we are busy, but just take even 5 minutes, maybe in the shower, and keep saying a list in your head of the things you have that not all people in this world get. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food in the fridge? Do you have money in your wallet or bank account? Do you have a car or money to get a transit pass? Do you have clean water to drink from? Do you have democratic rights? Do you have access to proper medical care? Do you have a cell phone? Do you have a computer (you do if you’re reading this)? Yes, you do. And I can tell most of you will answer yes to the majority of those questions. That means, you are part of the 8% (yes that is correct it isn’t a typo, let me say it again, EIGHT PERCENT) of the wealthiest people in the world.

            I get that you could have abuse in your life, you could be depressed, you could have an eating disorder, your highschool could be the worst part of your day, you may be neglected, or you may not have the best or even good living conditions but you need to know this: you have the power to change that. It may not seem like it but try googling people who grew up in terrible living conditions who did some amazing stuff with their life. If you are obsessed with fame there are so many celebrities who have come from terrible living. There are artists, political figures, entrepreneurs, etc all around you who had to build their lives out of the ashes of a terrible living. The internet can be a tool for bad things but it is also a tool for good. If you really want to change your life you can simply by using google or asking questions. There are kids help phones, suicide hotlines, you can even talk to a grown up you respect about changing your life, you can look up your legal rights to change the condition you live in. Or you can work your butt off every single day to get to where you want to be. It’s not going to be easy, I can promise you that. And there will be days you want to give up. Don’t, the end will be worth every minute of work and effort you put in, especially if you do it without complaining.

            Be thankful for the things you do have and let go of any material desires or obsessions. Stop thinking about how you feel you look, or all the little negative things you can focus on. Instead focus on every thing you have, and the possibilities of where you are going. And if the future ever becomes over whelming, take it one day at a time and believe in yourself. If you focus on all the little negative things, you just create a world and cloud of bad energy around you, which you then carry into every single area of your life making it worse. Even if you can look at one area of your life and say “that is pretty good” or “I am content with that” or “well, there is this one thing that is going okay” then you have a start. Build from there and bring the attitude of being grateful for what you have, and being hard working, and being generous along with you and I can grantee you the rest of the areas in your life will be changing, because you wont settle for less anymore. If you want a good life you have to push for a good life and build one. Sometimes that means leaving things, or people, or making big or scary decisions. But if it will help you to be happy, it will be worth it in the end, unless it is self harm.

            If you can’t seem to get your mind to wrap around these concepts, you need to get outside yourself. Get away from social networking and media and visit a homeless shelter or a cancer hospital. Hear the stories of an older person who has lost almost everyone they know or the love of their life. See a pediatrics wing of a hospital and see all of those hundreds of children who are so young and innocent, who have barely lived their lives, and most of them are dying of an illness they had no control over. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Expose yourself to the realities of the world, and as weird as it is, you need to see these terrible things to view your life in a different light. Some people wont ever fully understand how privileged they are or how lucky they have it. Some never even notice their potential. And yes, there needs to be those people in life. We can’t all achieve our dreams, we can’t all get high paying jobs or that mansion we all dream of. We can’t all get the life we wanted. But you don’t have to settle for hating your life, no matter where you are at. Be thankful. My life sure as heck isn’t perfect but I am thankful for what I have, and thankful for all the bad that has happened to get me here. You should be able to say that too.

Realize the good in your life and appreciate what you have

The thing about human beings is often we fail to appreciate what we have when we have it. We get so caught up with the pictures we have in our head of how things should be, or what others tell us is right, or what we have had in our mind that would make us happiest. We do not just stop and see and accept our circumstances for what they are. People waste their lives held onto what they didn’t get or caught up in the way they wished things worked out. But you fail to see that your life is how things worked out. The series of events that have happened in your life did in fact happen and there is a reason. We can’t go back in time to change them because we aren’t suppose to.

I understand the need and belief that you could do things differently or what it’s like to be bitter about where life has taken you. But just because things haven’t gone your way, or your life isn’t where you expected it to be, doesn’t mean that you arent in a good place. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t exactly where you’re suppose to be.

Bad things are going to happen, it’s inevitable. We all fight battles - some with life, some with ourselves. But if you stay too long looking at the negative you miss the positive. You see, life is a tricky thing. Often when one bad thing happens there’s more to come and you can trick yourself into having fear and waiting for bad things. And when we do this we tend to blow up little things (which would usually not be so bad) into a marker on a list of a series of unfortunate events. While you do this, all the good things are passing behind you. All it takes is a simple change of your point of view to see the good.

I have come to notice that life does in fact balance out the good and the bad. It just takes realizing. I have often had the belief that I am cursed with having very bad luck. I tend to gear toward feeling sorry for myself. But the thought that I am unlucky is not the truth. The truth is: life gives me the good in the small things which, if I fail to realize and appreciate them, go unnoticed. And in opposition the bad comes in big things and can be seemingly prevalent.

At times it’s hard to see the good life gives us. But it has, whether you realize it or not, granted us immunity from some bad things. Bad things which never happened and since they never happened you tend to not realize the good. For example, maybe you’re a crazy driver but luckily you’ve never got a ticket in your life. Or you’ve had a “close call” of something horrific happening. Or maybe you go to the doctors and what you found out was wrong isn’t what you wanted. But if you look at it in the grand scheme of things what you had could have had a hell of a lot worse.

That is what is happening to me. To say the last two months have been difficult would be an understatement. But amongst the days where I’ve been in and out of the emergency room, learned I won’t ever lead a normal life, and been booked in for back to back invasive surgeries (which are just the beginning) I have also been given a gift. I have been given the love of my life back and present in my life. Making me smile, and laugh, and know that there is something to look forward to. Not only that but I’ve had a wish come true, something I had more than hoped for.

When I got my wish I wasn’t happy. I was so focused on how it didn’t happen how I expected it to, how the night had been different from what I wanted, I failed to be excited or happy. That was when I realized that I was being completely unreasonable in the way I viewed my life. It was the best thing to happen to me in a long time and everything I had been waiting for. And yet I let silly things stop me from enjoying it as it happened. When I realized that something inside of me snapped.

I have been too caught up in this vision in my head of how my life is suppose to go. I had failed to realize my life is how it is for a reason. I may not have things how I always imagined but I still have some pretty amazing things. I have been lucky. And I know I haven’t been as appreciative as I should have been.

Since these moments I’ve stopped having expectations of what’s considered “normal”. I’ve stopped thinking my life isn’t exactly where it should be. And I’ve also refrained from sharing my happiness with others. This may seem odd but the world is still a place of judgment. Even your best friends have opinions on things. I don’t want or need anyone giving me opinions on my own happiness and what they think will happen or what it means. It’s mine, and I’m going to enjoy it.

I always thought I’d be the hopeless romantic who needed cute things in the form of flowers and kissing photos and talking about the future. And a lot of people know me that way. But I’ve grown up, I’ve moved past that whole fairy tale movie romance. I may not get a Facebook relationship status change, I may not have a guy that constantly calls me beautiful, and by the standard of what people think you should receive I am under. But I wouldn’t change what I have for anything. We are weird, we don’t have a normal relationship and I’ve come to realize that is exactly what I want. I don’t need labels to show the world he’s mine. In fact I don’t even need to prove our love to anyone. He’s mine and that is all that matters. I’ve been wrong in the past, so desperate and pushing for things that I didn’t need and failing to realize what I had.

So fuck the expectations, fuck the negative, and fuck the standards people hold everyone up to and the judgments that have been put on my circumstances. I am bringing love to me all day long through all areas of my life. And I can stay here in my contentment and happiness, even if my health is at a steady decline. I have what I need to keep me going, I have people who love me. And most of all I am proud of the life I lead and what I have. So go choke on that negative!

Success

People often mistake how success is measured. Some people think that success is based on the amount of money you make or the people you know. Some believe it’s fame – how many people know your name, your ability to get on a vip list, and having people cater to you and your lifestyle. Other people view it as having worked hard enough to afford that new house or that new car. Some believe it’s when you’ve found everything they believe is essential to life; they have a career, a family, a house, a whole life they built.

And maybe all of those things are true for certain people because the thing about success is there is no way to measure it on a scale. Success is measured by your own personal view of it. What someone may view as a success could also be viewed as a falter by someone else. Who a person is, their life style, and up bringing all contribute to what they view as leading a successful life.

Sometimes there are people who think that they know what will make them feel like they have conquered the big things and been successful but in the end are just left feeling empty and alone. There can be times when people are mistaken, tricking themselves into what was projected as being successful and then have to learn the hard way, after chasing after something they may have thought they wanted, they do not feel fufilled or complete after all. This happens when people fail to listen to themselves, to read their own emotions and decipher what makes them happiest.

In North America, being a highly materialistic culture, a lot of people view success as something to do with money or status. I however, do not. My own success is when I achieve things I have dreamed of, when I have reached a place of happiness, and when I can look at something in my life and feel proud of how far I have come. I do not need to be in my thirties with a house, a fancy car, and children to say I have lead a successful life. At any point you can look at your life and say that. I am twenty, and I have lead a successful life. I am still working in all aspects of my life, there are still dreams I wish to achieve, and I in no means have created a family or a future in that aspect but I have achieved things I alone never dreamed of achieving. I can look at the work I have done and be proud of it. And I can see my memories and feel content in the time I have spent and the way I have lived my life.

There is a quote that says“Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family and the quiet nobility of leading a good life.”That is how I measure success and happiness. How much money I have in the bank, or how many people know me doesn’t even rank on importance to me of defining my own success. When you can look at your life and the people you surround yourself with, and really look at yourself and know that you are a kind person who gives back to the community, I don’t think there is any reason why you shouldn’t be able to feel successful in how far you have come. Be happy with what you have, and make the best of your life – you only have one chance, don’t waste it being caught up in material things. 

A Woman’s Guide of How to Get Over a Man Stronger then Ever

(Please know that it is important to deal with your emotions and that this isn’t meant to say that you should just sweep it under the rug. They are simply things that are healthier ways to cope with it and help you get back on your feet. Also, if any of my examples aren’t you, you can easily manipulate what I say to find what works best for you. Obviously not all of them would or could apply to everyone. These are simply tips and things I have always found helpful and also things most girls never hear from girlfriends or themselves when thinking of how to work through losing someone you care about. And remember, I am just your average girl and these are just my opinions, I’m not a professional =P)

1. Delete his number out of your phone. Unless you’ve been in a lengthy relationship, let’s admit it, our phones are what we rely on to remember numbers for us. So this is the first step. If you are really reluctant, not one to ‘burn bridges’ per say, or want to stay friends later on (I get it, one of my best friends is my ex boyfriend), write his number down and give it to a girlfriend. This has to be one that you trust and that knows you well. It should be someone that you feel is level headed and can view you and the situation as a third party observer. Tell her not to give the number back to you until you’re over him. Not only will this prevent drunken or sorrowful texts you’ll regret but it will also make you feel more bad ass if he texts and you say “who is this?” without even meaning to be beyond it all. If you’ve been together for a long time or he’s someone you really do want a part of your life, than simply get the courage and tell him that you need some ‘you’ time and that you’ll talk to him when you’re ready. And honestly take the time you need. If he’s not willing to give it, than you deserve better and don’t feel guilted or pressured into continuing talking to him when you really do want time away.

2. Go out and buy new undies. This one may seem like a weird one since you’ve just lost the person who would be excited to see them but believe me it’s one of the best ways to boost your self esteem and feel sexy. Who cares if no one will be seeing them but you? Just knowing yourself what you’re wearing underneath makes you have more confidence and feel sexier. Buy something you love and remind yourself that it’s the start of feeling good for you. In fact, go a little nuts and buy something sexier than usual! If you’ve never done this it may seem weird but I have never once not felt better after buying new panties. And although you can go for matching panties and a bra, I’d stick to panties to be safe. Finding a nice fitting bra you love can be as tough as finding a good pair of jeans and if you cannot find one, you could wind up feeling let down. Where as panties are pretty easy to guesstimate a size if you don’t already know.

3. Plan a girls night out. Mass text your best “fun to go out with” girlfriend(s). Plan a girls night whether it be going dancing, or to a martini bar, or going out for desserts, or to kareoke for a good laugh. Or if all else fails, a girls night in or for coffee.. but the whole point is for you to get out and about and have something fun to dress up for. The main thing isn’t to be picking up guys, it’s to be laughing and having fun with friends, reminding you that you don’t need a guy in your life to be happy or have fun. And if a random guy flirts with you, let him, but be above it, it’s no time to be starting something new - believe me. However it will boost your confidence if it happens. But most of all, make sure this girls night is a strict no-talking-about-boys night. That may be a tough one, but focus on other things like your jobs or new exciting things. Us women let men be the center of our world wayyy too much. Time to have some girl time.

4. Organize something. Even if it’s as simple as a bookshelf or making a to-do list and accomplishing it. Often dealing with a loss can make you feel like a mess or make you lose confidence with where you are at. Even if you do something little, no matter how insignificant it may seem to the big picture, it will make you feel more organized. It will make you feel like something is stable in at least one area of your life which is more important than you realize. It will reinforce that you have it together or can work to have things together. It’s a reminder you are in control of your life. It helps you to stay grounded and focused on you and positive changes.

5. When in doubt write it out. If you are having a moment of weakness or feel sad, write. Even if you feel you “suck at writing”, do it anyway. No one will read it if you don’t want them to. Just put a pen to paper and write exactly how you feel, or even write a pretend letter to him. It helps you to fully get your emotions out while avoiding a break down. It’s a healthy way to express how you feel. And when you feel you’re over it all, if you’ve kept the writings you can burn them and feel like its a final symbol of letting go of it all (if you’re that type of person). For the less eccentric type, a simple throwing it in the garbage is a physical motion that symbolizes a big step. Or even throwing it out after you’ve written it is a good thing too. Telling yourself “I have let this out, I have worked through it and felt it, and now it’s time to let it go completely”.

6. Make something to look forward to. I was going to say “make new goals” but just like new years resolutions people don’t really like the word ‘goals’.. it has almost become a word that seems unachievable or easily forgotten. So, I made it that you should make something to look forward to. This can be as simple or as complex as you want. But you have just gone through a loss, and it’s like my mom use to say “you have to get rid of something in your clothing drawer before you put something new in”. And would you look at that! You have room for something new in your life. Use this space for something positive you can enjoy. Maybe it’s going to the book store and finding 3 new books you want to finish this month, or planning a small get away as simple as a road trip just a couple hours away. You can look up concerts or events you could look forward to, or immerse yourself with finding the perfect gift for someones birthday. Better yet, re-read (or if not written, write) your bucket list and find something to accomplish.

7. Pamper yourself. You don’t need to be rich or have money to do this, despite contrary belief. If you do have money and want to go for a spa day or mani and pedi, go ahead. But honestly, its better to get away from the busy world and do it yourself. And in an electronic world people never let go of their phones or computers just for some relaxation time, doing it at home makes this possible. So try to do all of this away from your gadgets! Light some candles, put on your favorite music or just something relaxing as a background melody, make yourself some tea or hot chocolate or a glass of wine and draw a warm bath (or shower if you prefer). Take this time to just get away from all the business in your head (I know – it’s way easier said than done). But try to focus on good things to come (refer to number 6 and the new things you’re looking forward to). Afterward, beautify in simple terms. You can moisturize your legs, pluck your eyebrows, do your nails. You can even look up an at-home facial mask or other things to do (probably pre-bath though). Than when you’re all finished, or letting everything soak in or dry, put on one of your favorite movies and just enjoy. Even if you feel you don’t have time for this, chocolates and a rose doesn’t always have to be received by a man. If you’ve had a tough or stressful day, go buy yourself some flowers or a flower and a snack you enjoy and let the days stresses go.

8. Take care of yourself. This one coincides with number 7 but in a more emotional way. Make time every day for something you love. It is important that while you can feel down or angry, and those are emotions that you are suppose to go through and deal with, you should also feel happiness. “How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives”. And a lot of the time you can look back and say “Wow, that guy wasn’t worth all of the time and tears I gave him being a mess over the break up”. So, make sure every day, until you start feeling like yourself again (and even after that.. a break up shouldn’t be the only reason you do this), you put aside at least an hour to do something you love. I don’t want to hear excuses like “I’m busy”, or “I can forget”, or “There are other things to be doing”. Stop. No matter how hard or busy life can get, you can always make at least an hour of quality you time. This hour can be anything. It can be listening to a new album you just bought, or painting, or making yourself your favorite food and watching some episodes of your favorite tv show. Do anything that would make you laugh, or smile.

9. Listen to yourself. This one is the last and probably the most crucial in the length of time in which it will take to work through everything. I know that it’s kind of like an oxymoron with this post but I have to say it anyway. When you are going through a break up, especially if you have a lot of girl friends, everyone pretends they are experts. And although they may have your best interests at heart, often girls can be too focused on forcing what they think is best for you or giving you their opinions instead of just lending an ear to listen. Some friends may even take it upon themselves to get angry for you. Your ladies will probably say all different things and to be quite honest, more times than most, what they say isn’t always helpful. Although one may make a joke at his expense and it makes you feel better to laugh. Or it feels nice to be supported. Don’t let your girlfriends put an image into your head or twist what happened into what they think it meant. They were not there and they aren’t one of the two parties in this situation with the emotions. So even if you feel the need to have your emotions validated by someone else saying you’re right to feel how you feel, know that ONLY YOU get to decide how you feel because only you can know everything first hand. If you felt it ended mutually, don’t let that one passionate friend convince you that the guy obviously likes someone else or you should hate him. People will always have opinions, and you can listen if you want to, but the thing is they are just opinions and not facts. So take them in, and let them go. Trust how you feel. And even if you are angry over the situation, know that in time, you need to let it go. Hating him wont damage his life or hurt him, although you wish it would, it only hurts you. Because you will constantly be bring negative into your life. If you need your girls to just listen or be a crying shoulder, tell them straight up. Just say “I am not really looking for opinions right now but I would really appreciate it if I could just vent a little”, etc. And let go of any negative and invite in positive in your life instead. And a little side note: if your friends tell you to post pictures with guys up on facebook or to do something to “make him jealous” - don’t. It is silly and most of the times, he probably doesn’t care. Don’t post something on facebook or anywhere else unless it’s 100% for you, never to get to someone else. Don’t make status’s of quotes that pertain to the situation or because you know he will read it. And don’t publicly make fun of him. Remember your whole world sees this and it’s not a good look on anyone. Move past it. Don’t hold onto it and especially don’t ever use anyone else to make someone else jealous, its insensitive. 

If I could explain it at all I would tell you it felt like heaven

The best things in life are the things you can’t describe, the things you just have to have experienced to know. Like the way it sounds to listen to the heartbeat of someone you love, or the way the ocean breeze felt on your skin as you watched the sunset, or how your heart ignites as you hear your favorite band in concert. You can’t describe it to someone who has never known or seen or felt it but that is what makes it so special. It’s all yours. You may find others who’ve felt a similar way but no one else will ever experience it the way you did. It’s yours and only yours. So cherish your memories, cherish those moments and feel blessed.